The Graceful Spider

I saw a brown recluse spider crawling across my dashboard while I drove down the two lane road. Of course, this had to be on a narrow road with a high speed limit. Life is far too dramatic for me to be able to pull over and shoo the spider out.

I tilted and spun the wheel to navigate the road; and climbed hills and rapidly dropped down from them. The spider casually ambulated along in the sunlight.

That spider casually ambulated right down inside the air vent.

As I gripped the wheel, my imagination started to grip me. What if popped back out on myself or a passenger when I wasn’t expecting? What if it found its way through the maze and came out a different vent?

What if the spider had babies?

So, I turned the defroster on full blast. My thought was that the air would force the spider out; or at the very least, prevent it from going further toward the engine.

How right I was.

In fact, I was so right, that the rushing air cannoned the spider out of the vent into the air, exactly over center of the steering wheel and right into my lap.

Ten point perfect trajectory and landing.

Of course, now I had a poisonous spider in my lap with only a thin layer of denim between my skin and its fangs.

Memories of my childhood decided to emerge. The blindingly white lab coat of the doctor bubbled up. I was much smaller then, when the doctor told me that I was probably going to lose my thumb because of a spider bite.

At most, I lost my thumbnail. And that’s because when I noticed that it was starting to come loose, I grabbed a pair of pliers and finished the job. (Yes, that is a true story too.)

Today, I understand why people do that as a torture technique. I wouldn’t recommend it, even at a party. The nail never did grow back the same as the others either, and it’s still different to this day.

I was told that I was going to lose that thumb to a spider bite. So, what could that same species of spider do to my leg then?

I felt much smaller than the spider in my lap.

At this point, I decided to take my chances and pull over.

Gently, I wiped the spider out of my lap with an old fast food receipt. I shook the paper, and it glided down to the pavement. After all, it’s not its fault that it’s a poisonous creature. Besides, not being gentle at this juncture may have been bite inducing.

So, with a job well done, myself and the spider both unharmed, I closed the door and drove off.

I think I may have run over it.